Give me food. For someone who loves food, this is not fair. Because of my treatments, my sense of taste is gone. I eat but is never satisfied because everything taste like cardboard. But, I still have cravings. My mind goes on these binges and I long for food as I knew it. I dream up these elaborate dishes and salivate over them.

Craving was once a bad thought, someone out of control and food having you, but now it is a good thing for me. I still have my mind and sometimes the taste of foods past. I reminisce about all things favorite, but one thing remains the taste of sweet.

Those of you who can still eat, enjoy, lavish your selves with what you love because you may never know when that will be taken away.

Craving

I could wait for my daughter to grow up. As a child she s so sharp and took charge. People at my job would often refer to her as my mother, because she cared so much.

Here we are in Sweden. Every November we get out our winter ware and take a trip where ever we fancy. She will get the trips and I would pay for the hotels. My travelling companion once on the move never stops. I am so enthralled by the ease in which she negotiates the buses, trains and find ways to see the countries.

This year because of my treatments we have to plan carefully. I know she will do a good job as she has always done. Seeing her in action, her mind always going gives me great joy and fills my heart with pride.

There goes my muse and a better one I cannot find.

Muse

My apologies, I try very hard not to put myself in situations where I have to say I am sorry. But living amongst people, we inadvertently step on toes. Some are more soft skinned that I imagined. When I see that I have hurt someone, it is the easiest thing for me to say.

Even when my children were young, if I were wrong, I will tell them. Life is fragile, love should be all sweetness. Love with abandonment and just say you are sorry. The ones you love will be the better for it.

I had rules, before going to bed, I would speak to my children in soft tones and on waking them up I will touch them and speak to them again in dulcet tones. We do not know if that will be the last time you see them.

They are now grown up and I still pray for them and when I feel the urge, I send them messages. Life is great, enjoy the people that God has placed in your life. Even if you are the wronged one, sometimes you say I am sorry, that help turn people around.

Live, love, laugh and enjoy your life. With a little dash of apologies thrown in, it can’t hurt.

Apology

The word always make me think of a cast of characters, for example Shakesparess plays. Life has its vissiscitudes, but I would not say that it is dramatic. Day by day I plan as I go along. Because of this new occurrence of the multiple myeloma, I have to see what my mind-body feels like from day to day.

So far, so good, a little tired sometimes, but mostly tired of well-intentioned people asking how are you feeling? I really want to say “to be left alone”, but I know it’s not cool. They would not expect such a dramatic answer.

Today was one such day, it’s Sunday and I go to church, but I could not face people today so I stayed home and listened to TV evangelists. Today will truly be a day of rest. I don’t have central air do it is this fan recirculating it’s warm air or my basement that is cool and needs no fans.

Is this dramatic enough for you. Some would see the drama in this because they are on the outside looking in. But when life gives you lemons, cut them up and make lemonade ice tea . I happen to love it!

Dramatic

Coming home tonight I was amazed at the rainbow in the sky. I always thought that the rainbow came after the rain, but as the raindrops hit my windshield and I listened to Debussey on the airwaves, I had to pull over.

Enjoy this phenomena I call the rainbow during the rain!

You are my hiding place, these are the words that come to mind when I see the word sanctuary. We all need that place to go home to where no one judges you, where you can relax and get comfortable. Life is sometimes a series of ups and downs, and if there is no home, no comfort, no safety, then we will be on a perpetual merry go round.

I like to get up early and clear my head. Most mornings I wake up to reflections where the TV has my sites and written scriptures, the only thing is that I have to keep awake to read them. I lie quietly in my own sanctuary, taking in the sites and marveling at the beautiful places that are in the US and sometimes other countries.

What a wonderful world we have, with many places to come home to. Be at one with family, nature, life, people and things. This is my center, my all in all. One with my God and the people He has laced in my life for one reason or the other.

Peace, quiet, love, laughter and God. My idea of compete rest in my sanctuary.

Sanctuary

As the tiny snail inched along the siding of my home
I took the time to observe it
It was in not a hurry
I took out my phone and snapped him, of course it blended right in
That did not deter his progress
I wonder where it was going, because it was a long way off from the garden
Hurry up the sun is rising and you will get scorched
It needs to drop down and hurry back to its home
Oh but no it likes to take the slow road.

Slowly

Jellyfish, connotes the image of pain if you are stung by one while swimming, but just look how carefree and effortless they glide through the water. Going any which way they choose. How good will it be to float about in the waters of the Caribbean, and just forget all my cares just for a day.

I could almost feel the warm ocean breezes just gliding over me and the sun burning down from the clear skies. Children running up and down the beaches and skipping through the surf that comes to the shores.

As a child, our family used to gather us all on a Sunday with lots of drinks, food and fruits and head to Grand Anse Beach. We would play all day, coming in for a bite to eat. We gathered almonds and sea grapes and just had wonderful fun, those were the carefree days.

Now, I keep these images in my mind and whenever the stress gets too great, I go through my humble beginnings back in the Caribbean.

Carefree